Goals -1.0

I'm still trying to figure out my goals. Yeah, I want to be healthier, I want to communicate/write better, but for what? What do I do with the extra time and ability? The people in my life are hugely important to me, but I need something to aim for. I've had trouble with this question for a long time, so I figured reviewing past goals might help.

The earliest thing I can remember wanting to be is a fighter pilot (only partly inspired by Robotech). As I realized that fighter pilots weren't safe and someone told me I was too tall for the cockpits, I decided on being a lawyer, but had no idea what that meant. I also loved the idea of "solving" basketball intellectually in a way that would let me play in the NBA. Um, that didn't happen, although if Isiah Thomas and David Kahn can be general managers, someone should let me run a team.

In school, I got good grades and worked to get them, but there wasn't a goal of being #1 so much as beating Susie in a competition that stretched back to elementary school. While I wanted to be Student Council President and other positions I got to hold, none of them were goals where the failure would have meant a loss to me (I'm still surprised I won the SC election - I think it was the only contested race I've ever won).

In college, I initially set goals of being consecutively the president of Honors Business Association, Undergraduate Business Council, and Student Government while adding a liberal arts Plan 1 Honors program to my business degree with minors in French and German. Absolutely none of those things happened, and I loved almost every moment of college. Maybe that's where I got off goals - realizing how awesome life could turn out without a road map.

Since college, I can't think of any goals I've set, except weight goals that have always ended badly. I have a great job in an industry that works for me, but I don't think it's been a goal. I've had a few ideas like working on a charter school or revamping public education, but never set goals to achieve them.

The last few paragraphs have been in my head all day. As I typed them out, it hit me that I have tried a number of efforts and had ideas, but none of them have come to anything. If they were goals, I would have failed. Not to psychoanalyze myself (although what else is a freeform blog?), but there's sadness with that idea. Since college, I've lacked an energy/activity level that kept me in a position to enjoy my unplanned college career. I need to get back to that, and maybe small goals can get me there.

Hmm I'm not sure what to do with this post. Definitely need a version 0.0 and eventually a 1.0 or something like that.