Transformers (and HPWI)

Saw Transformers tonight, and it passed the subterranean bar of my expectations.  The highlights: surprisingly good cameos, someone actually says "Kill them all," some fun action, quasi-recognizable Transformers.  The lowlights: even given the premise, science was ignored; writing/directing/acting (as usual), the rest of the Transformers, the attempts to make it seem significant or emotional.  The story actually is worse than the first two, but individual scenes are definitely better than the second.  It will be exactly what you expect, whatever you expect.

Harry Potter What-If #3:

What If the Ford Anglia had something better to do (pretty much anything) than rush into Spider Grove and save Harry and Ron?  Harry and Ron become tasty spider treats, and OldTom sacrifices Ginny to corporealize (bad year for the Weasleys!).  I think OldTom would polish off Voldemort and his horcruxes.  Would Neville become the new Chosen One?  Maybe, but OldTom's the kind of up-and-comer who would finish what he started.

Harry Potter What-If #2

Sorry - no bigger blog post, but I wanted to keep my microseries going.

What If Snape had actually tried to protect the Sorcerer's Stone instead of writing a word problem, and put poison in all seven vials?  Hermione's dead, victim of her own faith in the educational system.  Harry is stuck in the room or dead if he tries another vial, but ... Quirrell/Voldemort probably keep trying to decipher the Mirror of Erised until Dumbledore returns, and that could give Dumbledore the chance to capture/destroy Voldemort at his leisure.  If Harry survives, he becomes just a rule-breaking know-it-all with no Impending Doom excuses for his misbehavior, and probably ends up the attendant on the Knight Bus, telling everyone that he's just waiting for his Prophecy to come true.

Bad Teacher, Worse Movie

You might think I do nothing for you, but I am about to save you time.  Bad Teacher looks funny - Jason Segel and Justin Timberlake can be hilarious.  But Cameron Diaz' black hole of unfunny expands to cover Timberlake, and Segel only has a few good lines.  It's the script that's terrible - someone thought teacher stereotypes would be funny (and in fairness, I know teachers like each of them), and forgot that a story involves a plot, or meaningful character growth/shifts - think second half of Office Space.  Avoid like the plague.  If you're desperate for movie theater air conditioning, go with X-Men or a few great independent movies like Submarine or Beginners (or Win Win if you can find it - Paul Giamatti is awesome).

An important event is coming up on July 15 as the last Harry Potter movie spells the end of my midnight movie career (except both Hobbit movies, and any future Potter movies now that J.K. Rowling is writing more books ... OK, not so much an end).  I'm rereading all 7 books, and would like to try a miniseries on the blog, so here goes:

Harry Potter What-If #1

What If anyone in the world remembered the Time-Turner existed?  Good guys win, unless Voldemort can make one too, in which case it becomes a chicken race of who will go back farther in time to shift events their way.  I await the fan-fiction entries.